Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
