I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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