I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
