she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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