1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
