I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
