Swine flu is the new snow day.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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