oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
