she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
