Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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