I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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