My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
