i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
