Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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