They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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