Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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