I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
