Don't make out with my wife yet
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
