I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
