I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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