We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
