Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
