did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
