I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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