you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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