You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can I color on your dick again?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
