i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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