i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
