Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
