I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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