maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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