I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think my vagina is haunted
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
