i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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