he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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