Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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