I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think my vagina is haunted
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
