I think my fart just growled at me.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
