no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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