Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
