sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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