Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
