I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want her autograph on my taint
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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