yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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