are you still at the devil's house?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
