I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
