walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
