I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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