Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.

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(912): View more from Georgia

It's shedding

(1-912): View more from Georgia

I told you penises don't tan

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.

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(954): View more from Florida

Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield

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