My first STD was from a foam party
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
