K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
